Open post

I'm going to publish this post when I go to bed tonight. 

I'm just gonna leave it open and post when something pops in my head. I'll say what time it is, too. 

Right now, in Washing State, USA it is 5:16 p.m. 

So today was the last GSA (Gay Straight Alliance) and this senior, who I've had the BIGGEST crush on since the beginning of the year (I've never really mentioned my liking to anyone.), kissed me in GSA. On the mouth. 

He also did it to everyone else but the rest of the day was filled with elation. But he had to keep going on about how far he got with his girlfriend almost the whole time. 

BTW; His name is Spencer. 

I really fucking like him. Like, the rest of the time, when he was talking about his GF, I just wanted to scream. And I , honestly, feel like crying and kicking my self for not telling him earlier in the year. I should have done it! But I was such a noob this whole year. I didn't even tell Jess, Lauren or Ashli how much I liked him the whole year up until a couple weeks ago. 

I feel weak to admit it but I smoked to see if the pain would go away but it only numbed it. 

I'm gonna miss him so fucking much </3

I also wish that kiss had been with love. 

I have no more to say right now. 

7:13 p.m.

I'm talking to Dylan and Cade right now. 

I'm not really in my body but yet I am. 

I'm really into art right now, like, I feel like painting, sculpting or just doodling. 

I wish I could post some of my work on here but my computer is old and uploading pictures is difficult and it would freeze my dinosaur of a computer. 

I also just read "Go Ask Alice" - Anonymous. 

That is the best fucking book I have ever read! 

It's awesome. I knew I wasn't the only crazy druggie out there!. 

I mean, I know the only drug I indulge in is marijuana, I still feel like people criticize me for it 24/7. 

I feel kind of out of it. 

8:46 p.m. 

Dylan is getting me a birthday present. He asked what I wanted and I said an art book would suffice just fine. He's acting weird though. I hope he isn't getting me anything too overwhelming. 

I'm kind of feeling artistic but I don't know what to draw. 

I'm also feeling pretty down. 

... To be honest, I think my depression is coming back because it's just like it was before I went on the medication. The same thoughts, actions and feelings. It sucks pretty bad. 

I also miss my little sister (technically my cousin) Lily and one of my best guy friends, Cade. They live in Florida. 

I'm so tired... 

9:26 p.m. 

Maybe I'm just bored... 

 

9:32 p.m.

Dylan's cheerfulness is getting on my nerves. 

9:41 p.m.

I'm sitting at my desk, that's why I posted little things so close together. 

I've come to the conclusion that when the weather gets hot, I get a little bit of insomnia because I can't sleep when I'm hot. That bothers me. 

Peace

-A