Mother To Daughter

I finally told my mom (Who shall be called "Morticia" because I'm known as "Wednesday" on her blog) that I was Agnostic leaning towards Atheist. When she asked why I told her that I lost my faith in the 7th grade.

*You have to keep in mind that is when things in my family went extremely down hill. Suicide, bankruptcy, loosing the family company, lost the house, etc.*

She understood and said "But if you curse his name, you are acknowledging his existence."
Well, that one stumped me.
And to sum things up we went from faith to mental health back to faith and then back to mental health. But all of it made sense. And when I say mental health, I do not mean that people in my family are mentally retarded, although I have a cousin like that but she's the only one. What I'm saying is that people on my moms side suffer from extreme depression. Suicidal depression. And I know it's a suicidal depression because I suffer from it myself. I have to fight back the demons in my head telling me to kill myself. And if you know me at all you know I want to live. But if you have no intelligence of this type of thing, all you're going to do is call me a melodramatic, moody, teenage girl. I am not.
Would you call me melodramatic, moody teenage girl who has held a gun to her head? No. I don't think you would.
I don't take medication anymore because I lose my ability to feel the world around me. I feel prosthetic. Fake. Plastic. Inhuman.
But when I don't take the medication I get the most horrible, terrifying nightmares that quite literally leave me shaking and in a cold sweat. Sometimes they get to be so unbearable that I'm afraid to go to sleep.
But here's the thing; now that I've told Morticia and all of you, the nightmares will go away. But they'll come back. They always do. And they come back with a purpose. That purpose is to try and make me kill myself.
My mother said this, and I quote, "You are a strong individual. So those things, those demons, that give you nightmares like that will try harder to take you down then they will your brother. You are a harder, more challenging soul they want to take. And I'm not saying your brother is weak, he's not, but he's an easier target."
And after another long discussion I found out why some many weird things happen to me. Why I get Deja Vu's so much. Why I get such forceful feelings of "Don't go there." and "That person isn't safe."

Basically what I'm saying is don't tell someone they're "Weird" because they take medication to keep the demons at bay. And I say demons for a reason. They want to hurt you. I am not making this up. Support those who suffer from this. Don't shun them. They need help more then they will admit. I know. I've walked and still walk the path.

Peace
-A