What The Fuck?

* If this is to be uttered to anyone with a name starting with D, you'll regret it. Don't even mention it to me. I am merely posting what is on my mind. *

Why do you stay?
I treat you like shit. I know I do. I'm rude to you. I'm cruel. I hurt you mentally.
I almost broke your fucking hand.
But did I say sorry?
Yes.
Was it genuine?
No.
I treat you like dirt. And you know it. You have confronted me about it.
You say you want to break up with me. But then I do something wonderful.
And you just won't fucking leave.
You have to stay. It grates on my nerves, actually.
So, dear reader, you ask why don't I just end it?
My answer:
I can't. I can't bring myself to hurt him like that.
But yet, I treat you like you are nothing.
You deserve so much more.
I admit that.
But you just won't fucking leave.
I say I'm anti-social. I, quite literally, say I don't want to meet your friends.
I already know I don't like them.
I hate your hugs.
Your kisses,
well,
they make me gag when you aren't looking. I try and draw out a long period of time before I have to kiss you again.
You fucking suck, by the way.

Again, dear reader, you ask "Why don't you just grow a set and get it the fuck over with?!"
My answer; I just can't. That is my lame, but truthful, answer.
I just can't. I can't do it. For the life of me, I can not bring myself to say the words "I'm done with you."
I can hurt you in every other way with no remorse but I can't hurt you with the words "I don't want to be with you anymore."
It's fucked up, isn't it?
You may think of me in a different way.
Do I care?
No.
'Course not. Never have. Never will.

You say you want me to open up.
But we both know that's like pulling teeth from an extremely pissed off Gator.
It ain't gonna happen without blood being shed.
You say you hate girls with drama.
So I say I'm suicidal and literally crazy.
You feel sympathetic.
I skipped school because I didn't want your pathetic sympathy.
So I just told you I had a migraine.
The lie worked and you are none the wiser.
Fucked Up Me: 1 You: 0
I feed you lies all the time.
No, I didn't smoke weed.
Lie One.
Yes, I love you too.
Lie Two.
Of course I love your hugs.
Lie Three.
No, I don't hate you.
Lie Four.
Uh, yeah you're a great kisser *Insert Totally Fake Smile Here*
Lie Five.
Those are the five main lies.
And don't worry, there's more!


God, I feel fucking horrible because of the fact that I just cant fucking end this stupid relationship. I have to make you do it. Because then I feel justified. Like I did something good.
But I won't be doing that. I'll have just destroyed you in a more permanent way. All the other girls you'll ever be with in your life will curse my name because I'll have fucked you over so bad.

I don't want to hear SHIT from anybody about this post *Cough, Jessica, Cough Cough* 
I am so fucked over in the head. 


Peace
-A