Posting marathon & stupid idiots.

Jess and I are trying to pull an all nighter. No, she's not with me. We're texting each other. 

And the both of us are gonna keep up a continuous string of posts tonight... Or, at least, try. 

I dunno. I'm feeling kind of depressed at the moment. 

Or it could be boredom... Or both. 

~~~~~~~~~~~

I've decided to give up on love. 

I'm not saying it doesn't exist, I'm just saying I doubt it'll find me. 

And yes, I'm 14. But love knows no age. People fall in love at 14 all the time. 

I'm just fucking sick of the shit I put people through and the shit I get put through. 

It's too much effort and I'm honestly a lazy person. 

I'm giving up. 

And normally, I hate giving up but now.. Fuck it. I don't fucking care anymore. Love can just skip over me now- Oh wait! It already did! It practically shit on my parade. No, it couldn't just rain. It had to humiliate me by shitting on me. 

Cupid's a prick. 

I don't even know what to say anymore. 

I am just so fucking sick & tired of this whole leaving people before they hurt me drama. 

It puts too much strain on everyone and I end up hurting really good people. 

Im not trying to sound shallow, I'm just saying that it's getting tiring. 

And fuck, this is MY blog. You got a problem, go blow yourself. 

Yeah, I'm mean. 

Deal. 

Basically to sum it all up; 

I want to fall hard for Jacob. 

I want Jacob to fall hard for me. 

But I know this will never happen. 

Because if I tell him, he might get interested and then I'll just be like "Oh, this isn't working. Bye!"

I already know that if I ever get married (fat chance) that I'm gonna be the parent that books it and my kids will end up hating me for leaving. I fucking HATE commitment. It's like dragging nails along a chalk board. It makes my skin crawl. But yet, I still date. 

... Maybe because I'm trying to find that one guy, or girl, that I honestly like. 

I'm not saying I never liked D or Tommy, it's just that I lost interest too quickly. To the point were it isn't healthy. 

I don't want a huge romantic/tragic way of finding my first love, I just want it to be simple. 

Like a simple; "I like you." & "I like you, too."

That's it. That's all that I want. 

No strings attached. 

But nope. 

Can't make it that easy. Cupid has to make it as fucking difficult as possible. 

God, I am just so sick and tired of this shit. 

I don't want to give up on love. Not at all. 

But what's the point in having hope in something that I doubt will ever happen to me?

I am no quiter, believe me, but I just don't have any more fight in me. I've been tamed. And I absolutely hate it. 

I really, really, want to fall very hard for Jacob and him for me. 

But it won't, and can't, happen.

Shit hits the fan too quickly when you're with me. 

I'm a bad luck charm. 

I really am. 

Peace

-A